Victorious Queen: A Scapegoat's Journey to Freedom and the Redemptive Power of Christ

So what if I had insecurities and self esteem issues? Why can't people be patient still? What kind of world do we live in where people only make friends with those who are perfectly confident? They don't even know where confident people's confidence is rooted cuz it's not always in the truth either.  What matters is that we find our confidence from Jesus. I wanna love myself despite my insecurities and not rush and pressure my healing process or shame and beat myself up inside. I feel like people have always judged these things but that's not how God sees us.  We live in a flawed world where many friendships are based on faulty standards. But God gives grace to the humble and resists the proud. Confidence, the wrong kind, can come with pride.  Friend: very true Being self critical and wanting perfectionism are two biggest things that can hinder someone's healing process and quality of life. I've learned that.  And I think those two evil ways of treating ones...

Coach: Hi! Welcome to the chat :) Me: Hi, sorry about the delay.  Coach: Welcome back :) no worries Me: This morning I was reflecting on the journaling questions God gave me in our last session. Remember? I was answering the questions God was giving me about how I felt when my dad neglected me.  I was reading through them in my notes and specifically I stopped at #9 9) How did this comparison look like and make you feel? "Well, he would tell me things like "isn't she amazing? Isn't she? Isn't she?" And it made me feel like he was forcing me to say yes and agree. And if I didn't then he would see me as someone who didn't love her sister. I also felt jealous and I didn't want him to see that. And I felt like jealousy was forbidden even if he compared me and forced me to agree with him. So I felt a lot of guilt and shame for my true emotions because I wasn't even allowed to feel hurt and jealous otherwise it was wrong in their eyes and they would...

Coach: Hi! Welcome to the chat :) Coach: What brings you to the chat? Me: Hi thank you. I am a Christian. I've been wanting to explore what it means to be a woman. Because I felt like my dignity was hurt a lot when growing up.  And I've been wanting to have a backbone as a woman and not look towards others treatment towards me to find my womanhood.  Coach: Sure  Me: I think chatting would help me. I don't know if your willing to give me journaling questions that I could reflect on on here. Like any questions.  I've been keeping a journal to write down journaling questions that are good for reflection. Coach: ok. How's that been for you?  Me: It's going well.  I guess I can ask myself too.    1) What does it mean to be a woman to you?   To me, being a woman means to be worthy to be admired and desired by a man.  2) What do you think was lacking in your childhood?  Well, I felt like my dad made me feel like no man would ever desire fo...

I would feel triggered when seeing other parents prioritize their children because my mom never clung to me that way whether in person or around other people. I needed to let my heart unthaw and needed validation for how I felt as well as acknowledge what I missed receiving from my mom and how it affected me. I acknowledged that I felt a culture shock and was waking up to what I should've had and this realization, while painful, is also a part of reclaiming my worth and my voice. I was never the problem. I was just someone deeply in need of love, consistency, and acknowledgement – and those needs are still sacred now. I’m not alone in this journey. I’m making sense of it and I’m healing – even in midst of the ache. What I had to be honest about: • My mom made me feel like a stranger in my own home • She showed a warm, caring face to others while showing me indifference or contempt behind closed doors, leaving me questioning my own reality • I felt like my mom was ashamed of me and ...

I Felt Lost I thought I had to make sense of my life in order to feel worthy or valued. I didn't know who I was then and neither did I know what was happening and why. And people boasted about themselves when they were living the "good life" and were confident in themselves. I wasn't confident like that and had a lot of insecurities, doubts, and low self-esteem. I was collecting the evidence and trying to put it together and nothing was adding up or making sense to me and I started feeling like a loser like as if I didn't matter just because I was being mistreated and couldn't figure out why and didn't know fully my identity. I felt lost.  Jesus Came For the Lost Sheep of Israel But Jesus said He came for the lost sheep of Israel. Therefore He loves those lost sheep and sees them as people with value and worth because of who He is and His plans for them. I was wrong about myself back then. Life wasn't meant to be rushed through and forgotten at that ti...

Adjusting   When our old self had grown up living in "survival mode" with abusive parents, it may at first be hard to adjust to a life where there's no abuse. By this I mean, the mind and the body remember the trauma that was faced and the fear associated with it as well as the defense mechanisms. But now after you've cut ties with and left your family, you are in an entirely new environment and don't need to worry about being abused. However, you still find yourself in that mental state of "what if?" As if you still need to be paranoid about it or be prepared and cautious in case it ever happens again. This is something that you must let go of and shift your mindset to being oriented to receiving love from others and expecting it. Though you know you don't tolerate abuse, it's also important to learn to live without the fear of it.  Truth: You have to look at the past abuse as something to let go of and never to be faced again.  Letting Go It...