There's a Right Way

So what if I had insecurities and self esteem issues? Why can't people be patient still?

What kind of world do we live in where people only make friends with those who are perfectly confident? They don't even know where confident people's confidence is rooted cuz it's not always in the truth either. 

What matters is that we find our confidence from Jesus. I wanna love myself despite my insecurities and not rush and pressure my healing process or shame and beat myself up inside. I feel like people have always judged these things but that's not how God sees us. 

We live in a flawed world where many friendships are based on faulty standards. But God gives grace to the humble and resists the proud. Confidence, the wrong kind, can come with pride. 

Friend: very true

Being self critical and wanting perfectionism are two biggest things that can hinder someone's healing process and quality of life. I've learned that. 

And I think those two evil ways of treating oneself comes from when they felt judged by others in the past about how they ought to be and where they should be mentally. When they feel "not allowed" and "not good enough."

That's why God says that love is patient and kind. 

If someone needs to cry it out, let them. 

If someone needs compassion, give it to them. 

People are emotional beings and the enemy always wants them to be disconnected and detached from their feelings to get them to shut down. God wants us to use our brains and minds to their full capacity in a healthy way and that requires us to be in tune and connected with how we feel. And it's not weak to be connected with your emotions and feelings. That's a strength. God gave us a heart for a reason.

Wow I can write this in a book!

God, sorry for praising myself. I pray You teach me how to express enthusiasm and rejoice in You and not take glory for myself in Jesus name Amen. 

I have a book called "Strong Like Water" and "Try Softer" by Aundi Kolberg. God has been using those to help me. 

Friend: Yeah u really can write a book lol. u should some day u could really help a lot of christian women deal with their trauma and understand that they’re not alone

I do have a blog and am planning on writing a book someday to specifically help family scapegoats who are wanting to heal and come to Christ.

Do you think it's wrong for parents to give better treatment to guests than their own family members and children? Do you think something wrong has become normalized in the family dynamic?

I've seen polar opposites. Families who give guests more respect and love than their own family members. And families who give extra importance to their own family members at the expense of neglecting hospitality and not really caring about others.

People have been so lost in terms of how love should look like family versus guests.

But there is a right way. I don't think it is supposed to be so subjective. I feel like there is a moral standard way of behaving. I pray that God reveals this to us in Jesus name Amen.

There is a language being communicated to children in the way their parents behave with them when other people are around. And this gets internalized and translated to what a family is supposed to feel like and that cling or bond.

This reminds me of attachment styles. It really shows up when guests are over what kind of way the parents are or aren't attached to their children. If the parents completely abandon and neglect speaking to their child when guests are over, that child will internalize this and think that social standards require them to be abandoned and neglected and this is normal. They may subconsciously in turn grow up to expect other parents to abandon and neglect their children in their presence when their role becomes a guest because their mind is trying to compensate and fill that lack of maternal or paternal cling that was meant to be shown to them in the presence of outsiders but was never there. This confused and anxious state of being had left an open invisible wound that would only show up in the face of other parents prioritizing their own children over them when they visit. It will make that person's nervous system question their very makeup and existence of reality because this is not the information that was conveyed to them growing up in between the cracks of silence where a specific way of connecting and bonding with the mother was meant to be displayed, shown, and received freely without feeling selfish, shameful, or self-centered. And now they see that others are not only not sticking to the standards and judgements that were dished out to them in silence but even moreso others are receiving freely what they were told all through their upbringing that which was not allowed for them. This is mentally and even physically traumatic for the mind and heart as one has to be redirected into understanding the injustice that they went through and the grief of loss they never got to process as well as the depth of potential healing and reorientation they need in terms of how true family dynamics should be in the presence of others and where they stand as guests, what to expect for themselves and what not to. They face shame in many directions. Them not being prioritized and giving attention to by their mom in front of others, them not being allowed to speak up about it without being shamed and shut down, them not receiving the same kind of hospitality from others after they grew up, them realizing they need healing and they had not received what they see others getting, plus their insecurities being exposed and even noticed by other people. It's a spiral of shame that starts to make them feel as if they don't even know what to expect for themselves anymore or that they couldn't have it either way and now they must start from scratch to understand how they should feel about themselves. This terrifying internal trauma eventually makes them realize as a Christian that forgiveness is the only way both what happened behind them, what happened to them after that, and what they are facing now. They must forgive both family and outsiders and understand God's perfect will on family dynamics and establish their own boundaries and ways of being, ways of receiving, ways of giving, ways of guarding, ways of prioritizing. And ask God to heal wounds and remove the shame as well as give them a newfound confidence and redirection to how they want their own family to be structured and look like in Christ. What it means to both love your family and love your neighbor as yourself without compromising what's sacred within, without compromising their integrity for the sake of society's rules and judgements. This time they will do it for God - not for them, but for God. And they will love God with their whole heart as they build their house on the rock, from scratch. Letting Jesus build it. 😊

Joshua 24:14-15 KJV

[14] Now therefore fear the LORD, and serve him in sincerity and in truth: and put away the gods which your fathers served on the other side of the flood, and in Egypt; and serve ye the LORD. [15] And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.

I copied and pasted this part from the internet:

Key elements of the verse

Choice: The verse presents a choice: to serve the Lord or to continue in the traditional ways of the past.

Loyalty: Joshua makes a personal declaration that he and his family will remain loyal to God, regardless of the choices of others.

Legacy: By making this commitment, Joshua is setting an example for future generations, emphasizing the importance of a household devoted to serving God.

Praise God! As for me and my house WE serve the LORD. AMEN

Hallelujah. 

If outsiders have burdensome expectations of hospitality where they want a mom to neglect speaking or communicating or clinging to their own child in their presence, why can't the mother simply reject their abusive and unrealistic desire to be worshipped and attend to her own child like a mother should in their presence even if that offends them? Why would a mom choose to people please at the expense of neglecting her own child and nurturing him or her to foster a healthy relationship and brain development as well as connection between mother and child? My mother abused me.